My friend goes on a date, he and the lady get tipsy, she takes him home, she goes down on him, and as any gentlemanly gentleman would do, he attempts to return the favor. He has never done this before and is less than pleased with the results.
"My god it's like trench warfare down there" he shrieks retelling the harrowing tale.
Nausea swells but then subsides. It subsides because he has vomited chunky curry tandori dinner all over her... trench. He says that she says it stings even after she's run into the shower and rinsed and redressed and called a cab to take him home.
"I'm gay" he announces.
I try to sound surprised, like his tapdancing and love of lavender scented candles and obsession with American Idol were just flukes. "Reeeeeeally?"
"I guess sometimes God works in mysterious ways" he says mysteriously.
"And so does Tandori" I conclude.
He pauses. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat it again."
"...well that makes two of us."