Wednesday, July 29, 2009


My cat stepped on the keyboard which resulted in a premature publishing blogjaculation- so for those of you who got excited when the RSS feed popped up with a new post, only to find I deleted it seconds later, my apologies. Might I suggest you ease your woes by calling into the live radio talk show I'm doing tonight in about an hour? Check it out here:

For those of you who didn't get an RSS feed, then you're in good company, because what the fuck even is an RSS feed? Wikipedia tells me that it stands for "Really Simple Syndication" but sometimes "Rich Site Summary," neither of which make any sense to me at all. If it was really simple I think I'd understand how it worked, and my site is far from rich. I think I made like $.08 off of this blog and the youtube over the past 3 months. You kooky internets you... makin' up acronyms to simplify a term which is already too complicated in long hand.

Yesterday I had a very awkward conversation with a friend because I'm telephonetarded. I like to think that it's because I'm such a stunning social presence in person that I simply cannot reach my usual level of conversation sparkle when all those all-important facial and gestural cues are absent. But I'm not exactly a gold medalist in the video-chat either. It's all weird and virtual, and there's too much pressure. At least when you're on the phone you can pretend to be listening but actually be doing something else like painting your toe-nails or reading about insane people in the internet. (like ://, a site where people share their love of deadly venemous pets who almost killed them that one time.)

But then again, at least on video chat you can tell when someone is about to speak, instead of having looong awkward pauses followed by a flurry of clipped interruptions followed by that awful "You go," "No, you go!" "No, seriously, mine wasn't important. You go."

Then I always have to stop myself from saying "Don't mind if I do," and hanging up.

After my awkward conversation, which I was sure was due to my general social ineptitude, my friend revealed , rather sheepishly, that she was very tired when I called and must have sounded like a moron, and that she was sorry she made things so awkward. Which reminded me of the time I visited this guy and had a horrible time and felt like a total wet-blanket, only to realize two years later from several other sources that he's just a terrible host. I spent weeks obsessing over how terribly awkward I was, when really he made everyone feel awkward because he was so awkward.

So to Rusty and 23 & 24, thank you you for supporting the site, and I insist that no hard feelings be felt by anyone anywhere regarding misinterpreted intentions, because I am honored by all of your comments and I think that everyone always feels really fucking awkward.

Like that time I had to go back to class after getting sprayed by a skunk. Or that time I was at an audition and sat on a bee and screamed "A BEE!" while grabbing my ass and dashing out of the building. Or that time I cat-called at a cute guy who turned out to be my boyfriend's father. Eiw.

Do let me know if you have any questions- I'm committed to posting more regularly and I always love a good jump start. Hope your summers are going well and that the humidity has not sapped your spirit to live, at it has for my cat, who has overdosed on catnip and layed drooling on his back in the air-conditioned-den for the past 4 days. Oh no wait, he says that was me. Awkward.



  1. Yay!! I finally got your book in the mail 2 days ago! I haven't put it down and as a result finished it last night. BRAVO. It was fantastic!! It actually has inspired me to start writing. Even if its about nothing, I will write. The way you described everything, the drugs, the vomiting, the frustration on homework, so called friends, and fashion nailed it all. I may not have nearly had the same experiences you have, but every little part I could relate somewhat. Just. Wow. I. Loved. It. Congrats on such a job well done, I wish you nothing but the best in the future!! -Amanda

  2. I'm glad I'm not the only awkward creature on the telephone.

  3. I think it takes a lot of practice to not feel incredibly awkward speaking over the phone. I can deal with a conversation that has a purpose, but "chatting" never seems to work for me. And I really hate talking to people I don't know, because they don't understand me... *sigh* Talking in real life is better.

  4. It seems like there was more of this awkwardness to go around during the live interview. Not so much on your account as the interviewer's. I had to quit when she went into another vague grasping at the writing process. We want to hear about you and the book, not this hullaballoo! I know I'm a fink.

  5. Amazon just told me that they will be shipping your book to me now :) will be a while till it reaches Europe, but I'm sure they will find a way. Bad/Awkward hosts are the worst. I once was at a friend's house who insisted that I couldn't be cold, because his thermometre showed the exact and perfect living temperature. I had to get my coat...