Monday, July 27, 2009

Bad Book Reviews and Hot Fudge.

Someone just left me an oozily sarcastic comment about an, shall we say, irregularity of actual posting activity, as well as a possible proclivity toward purse-posts. Usually I'd respond to such a barb with with something equally as sarcastic, like maybe "the fact that my busy day doesn't allow time for leaving jaunty "you're lazy" messages on the virtual property of some person I 've never even met leaves me aching for a purpose." Or else I'd roll my eyes, but then obsess about the hidden truth of the comment, and then possibly cry, and then definitely call you a bitch behind your back to whomever would listen.

But you know what, wife and husband of 24 and 23 who left me that comment? You are right. You generously support my artwork while I sit around and lament about how dastardly writer's block can be while watching The Office in my pajamas at 2 PM licking the cream out of the insides of yodels.

You two are awesome and I am remiss. I don't even really have a good excuse this time.

The book is done and I've been on this sort of loooong exhale for about two weeks. Very much in limbo. Still completely expecting the first and only big reviewer to piss himself laughing when he realizes how much time he's going to save on the writeup, because it only requires one word.

Everything Sucks:


I've seriously been thinking about that review for a month. But I figure that now that I've written it down, nobody can use it. It won't be original anymore. Haha Snarky McLazyface, the teen-memoir-despising reporter. Incidentally, one of my alltime favorite book reviews comes from grand dame Dorothy Parker, who wrote of The Cardinal's Mistress, "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

I also have a special place in my heart for Sir Thomas Beechman's candid musical assessment of
Beethoven's Seventh Symphony: "What can I do with it? It's like a lot of yaks jumping about."

But when I start to get nervous about people hating the book so much they will burn the thing, I try to remember Kurt Vonnuget's wisdom: "Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae." God I love that image. And God I love hot fudge sundaes. More to come...



  1. Bah! You're already WAY ahead of the game. Dare them to do their worst. And IF there are any bad reviews, for every one of those, someone quietly enjoyed it.
    My favorite writer, Stephen King, used to get shat upon by critics, and he said that the difference between his "trash" and their "treasure" was that people read his. And he is the bomb-diggity.

  2. Might I be so cheesy and bold to quote a Pixar movie?

    "In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and theirselves to our judgement. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating itself..."


  3. Excellent Post, Hannah, very honest. If the book is half as true to as this blog Everything Sucks is sure not to suck.

  4. Hi :)
    Thanks for a great blog post!
    RT of what Veronica said.
    No matter what, some will love a book, some will just think it ok, some will want to burn it/ban it. That's people for you.
    Love and best wishes

  5. Just buying your book, subscribing to your YouTube channel, buying tickets to your concerts or "supporting your art" in any way doesn't give Mr. and Mrs. Snarky Von Snarklstein23&24 the right to criticize your lifestyle. You have the right to vacation in whatever strange way you like for however long you can afford (or however long your parents can put up with). The problem with lazing about dissecting Ding Dongs, Twinkies and Yodels with your tongue is twofold: obesity (which you have no pressing need to worry about, I've seen you in a corset) and depression (which is a very real and insidious malady that I think tends to prey on creative folks like you). Then again, I'm a depressive, creative fellow, so that might just be projection.

    You can use this "down time" between your book's completion and it's first reviews and the press of people asking for interviews. The book is finished and out of your hands until the public starts to demand a revised edition or, more likely, a sequel.

    OK, so you've decided to increase the size of your virtual impact on the world. You've begun to cross-promote your works on YouTube, and this blog with twitter. Cool. You've posted more videos to YouTube and you've written some cool blog entries that can later be gathered in a Scribble Scrabble kind of way for your first collection of essays. Neat!

    Might I suggest another project? How about a studio recording of your original songs, along with one or two tasty covers, like "The Book of Love." Give us at least four piece arrangements of guitar, bass, drums, keys and then pepper in some fun bonus instruments (like melodica, ocarina, sax, ukulele or bouzouki) as you see fit. You could even get away with a six song EP. I think DFTBA Records might be interested in promoting you too. Cajole your Dad, brother and other friends into playing and helping you record the sucker on the cheap. Keep your initial investment low so that you can jump back into the black quickly once it starts to sell.

    Sell yourself as the triple threat of writer, musician and TV interviewer/spokesperson.

    BTW, would you like to be interviewed (by phone or e-mail) for an article in "Wisecrack: Feminism and Comedy"?

  6. Wow, no snark intended. Just missing your posts. Looks like Rusty took it more personally than you. The point of my apparently misguided comment was to say that we missed your regular posts and that my wife liked the purse post way more than I did. Believe it or not, it was supposed to be encouraging. Oops. Lots of love, 23 & 24

  7. 23 & 24, I wasn't offended in the least! It made me smile to think of you two enjoying posts together, and I just wanted to say hello and to admit that I too wish I posted more frequently- I'm working on it! Thanks again for the support.

    All my best,

  8. I think i've said this before , but i'll say it again ; you're a very attractive gal.
    I haven't read your book yet "Everything sucks" but will one day , i'm certain. I remember sometimes feeling abjected and thinking everything sucks, and now there is a book - writen by a Yale graduate too.
    I also wanted to tell you to check out my new songs : "Philistine" , "Silence ain't the way" and , "Tinge plum" at URL:



  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. OK, so I over-read, misread, misconstrued and overreacted to 23&24 like a Mr. Douché Judgmentalson. Sorry.

    On a positive note, there are several reviews of "Everything Sucks" in on Amazon. All of them are glowing with praise.

  11. Despite the bulk of information online we often fail to get the specific information which is needed this post is good & contains relevant information that I was in quest of .I appreciate your efforts in preparing this post.

    Dissertation writing services